Rhydian, Ruben and Russell

Hi all to read this....which is precisely nobody I think. I am literally just writing to entertain myself. And I'm not even that entertained. Anyway...3 chaps with names beginning with R (R...the letter R) are the subject of today's blog!

RHYDIAN
Rhydian Roberts has quite simply the best voice I've heard on a reality TV singing competition. He has the whole package! An interesting look, a fantastic voice, top-class charisma and great manners....but in Saturday's X Factor final he was pipped at the post by the poor man's Gareth Gates (if such a thing exists). Leon bum-noted his way through White Christmas, perved his way through another off-key track, this time as a duet with Kylie Minogue who thankfully kept one eye behind her at all times, gave a decent, if completely identical to the orginal, portrayel of Michael Buble's You Don't Know Me and karaoked it through the winner's single, When You Believe. A few tears and one "better life for my mum" speech later, and schmaltz beat skills by a margin. Without bitterness, I look forward to seeing Rhydian as the lead in musicals for many years to come whilst Leon gets involved with Chanelle from Big Brother and OOPS snorts coke off a lapdancer's buttocks a little too close to a journalist's camera.

RUBEN
On my last contract as a pianist aboard cruise ship aka fucking ferry The Pride of Bruges, I met a croupier from Spain called Ruben. Well, he managed to stick it out on the FERRY about 2 weeks longer than I did and yesterday I met him in London where he begins the next chapter of life as a croupier. The poor guy met me at Kings Cross and I had the bright idea of taking him Hyde Park's Christmas fayre. Never mind that he was weighed down like Rik Waller's horse with all his luggage, we took the tube at rush hour to Oxford Circus and then I said, "Oh you can walk to Hyde Park really easily from here". Right. Two things wrong with that. 1) No you fucking can't and 2) Even if you could, poor Ruben was carrying 3 massive bags. Anyway, Ruben's first major taste of England was my mum and her friend, both pissed on mulled wine, giggling like idiots at such sights as the ferris wheel and something called The Gator Coaster. Hopefully he made it safely to his hostel last night and never has to experience anything as disturbing as my mum drunk again..."gosh this mulled wine's very strong!". Yes mum, yes it is.

RUSSELL
I was in the audience one day during the first series of Big Brother's Big Mouth, back when it was called Efourum. It was hosted by a newly-drug-free Russell Brand, at that time largely unstyled, largely unknown and incredibly funny....thankfully he managed to remain incredibly funny. I was in the audience and have pretty vivid memories of saying something that made him laugh and being given a Big Brother mug after the show....and he held my hand and said, "I'd love to see you again". This makes me a member of an elite group of probably around 40,000 women who have been vaguely chatted up by Russell Brand. I never watched the video back because I can remember how minging I'd looked on that day, July 28th 2004. I had passed my driving test that morning, been at a rehearsel for a musical all day, then rocketed across London to get to the Big Brother Efourum show that evening. I had bad hair and a shiny sweaty face. At 19 I hadn't discovered make-up...I certainly didn't bother with much of it....a bad oversight. For the first time since the show aired, I watched the video the other day. Yep...I don't think ol' Russ would have given me that mug and wanted to see me again if it had been today with all his stardom and skinny jeans and Booky Wook and sex-symbol-staus. Still....at least I'M looking better these days.....

The video clip will somehow be uploaded online soon for all and sundry to observe my moment of glory.