Another Hundred People

This song by Stephen Sondheim from Company is about New York and is still completely current after nearly 40 years....

Another hundred people just got off of the train
And came up through the ground,
While another hundred people just got off of the bus
And are looking around
At another hundred people who got off of the plane
And are looking at us
Who got off of the train
And the plane and the bus
Maybe yesterday.

It's a city of strangers,
Some come to work, some to play.
A city of strangers,
Some come to stare, some to stay.
And every day
The ones who stay
Can find each other in the crowded streets and the guarded parks,
By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks,
And they walk together past upholstered walls with the crude remarks.
And they meet at parties through the friends of friends who they never
know.
"Do I pick you up or do I meet you there or shall we let it go?"
"Did you get my message? 'Cause I looked in vain."
"Can we see each other Tuesday if it doesn't rain?"
"Look, I'll call you in the morning or my service will explain."
And another hundred people just got off of the train.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdwI7HML4yw

It's a little bit funny....this feeling inside

I'll make this brief.

I got a place at the Royal Academy of Music. 3000 applied. 30 places. 15 for girls. 15 for boys. 2200 girls applied. I got a place.

The itinerary arrived on Tuesday. "On September 1st you will begin rehearsing for a special concert ["ooo! How wonderful!", I thought] on September 22nd ["eeee, so soon, brilliant!", I thought] at the Royal Albert Hall ["fucking hell, wow, what an experience that will be!", I thought] with Sir Elton John ["huh?"], compered by Stephen Fry ["what in the what now?"]".

Yes, that's right, on September 22nd I will be part of a 30-strong choir accompanying Sir Elton John at the Royal Albert Hall in a one-off concert compered by Stephen Fry. The only way it could get any more momentous is if Freddie Mercury rose from the dead and Queen reformed to close the show. Unbelievable. Stephen Fry is one of the biggest comedy legends in the country. Elton John is surely one of the biggest comedy legends in the world, ever. If I never work again following this concert then at least I got to share the stage with two living legends.

Now....let's all hope and cross our fingers I don't fuck it all up by singing Elton my racist version of 'Daniel'*.








*I don't have a racist version of 'Daniel'.

Upcoming gigs for you all to enjoy

I've got lots of stand-up spots coming up for you to enjoy and ridicule. "How about a list of them, Sooz!?". You got it guys!

July

• July 24th - The Queens Head, 15 Denman Street (9pm onwards) nearest tube : Piccadilly Circus
• July 27th - Electric Mouse @ The Red Lion Pub (7pm onwards) nearest tube : Westminster
• July 28th - Party Piece @ Pangea Project (8pm) nearest tube : Stamford Hill?
• July 30th - Angel Delight @ Regent pub (8pm) nearest tube : Angel

August

• August 6th - London Laughing Calves @ 96 Dean Street, Soho (8pm) nearest tube : Tottenham Court Road
• August 7th - Stand Up and Coming @ The Hideway @ 114 Junction Rd, Tufnell Park (8pm) nearest tube : Tufnell Park
• August 13th - Mama Jong’s @ The Horse, 124 Westminster Bridge Road (8pm) nearest tube : Lambeth North/Waterloo

September

• September 30th - Laughing Horse Camden @ The Camden Head, 100 Camden High Street (8pm) nearest tube : Camden Town

October

• October 2nd - Laughing Horse @ Upstairs at the Goat Tavern, 3 Stafford Street (8pm) nearest tube : Piccadilly Circus

Who wants to watch a small girl die on stage? You! That's who!

Andy Murray's "I'm going to kill Sooz" tennis match

It was only the fourth round! It wasn't the final, it wasn't the semi-finals, it wasn't the quarter-finals. It was the fourth round!!!! AND I don't care as much about Andy Murray as I did about Tiger Tim. So why in the fifth set was I on the edge of my seat going "I CAN'T WATCH! HOWARD I CAN'T WATCH! CHANGE THE CHANNEL. NO DON'T! I HAVE TO SEE HOW THIS GAME TURNS OUT...."? Nail biting terror, crippling hope and personal anger formed a tight little bunch in my stomach for the entirety of the 5th set. So many times I was sure he had lost his mental strength, something Warwinka never lost, not even when Murray broke his serve to make the score 5-4 in the final set. Ugh, I never want to go through last night again, not unless it's the final and he wins.

Stupid Murray.

Gonna tell you once again...who's dead?

OK, so I'm not going to make a load of bad Jacko-death jokes because they've been done to death (no pun intended) and that's not what this is about. But I'm going to blog about Michael Jackson's death. I bet I'm one of only a handful of people who will do so too.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a kind blog about celebrities I hate and Jacko was amongst them. I, like many civilised people with half a clue, believe he was guilty of child abuse. Why did he pay off families that accused him of abusing their kids rather than take them to court? Why did he sue people who accused him of selling his costumes, but not people who accused him of being a peado? "He was found innocent!". Yeah, just like OJ. Anyway, I think "Michael Jackson" I think "peadophile made out of white blu-tac" and as much as I can enjoy dancing to Thriller and Blame It On The Boogie and...I dunno...Boogie Wonderland or whatever he sang, I can't get past the whole child molesting thing. YET THE FANS CAN! Yes, I know a few fans who admitted in the past that they're sure Jacko was guilty who are now angrily internet-screaming at anyone who dares not to be respectful and devastated. Because Bad was a good album. Fatty Arbuckle's career was ruined when he got accused (and then proved innocent) of raping and killing a girl at a party. Why is MJ still so revered?

The outpouring of grief on Facebook, Twitter and the rest of the internet, TV, papers (oh yeah, the media) has been nothing short of sickening. He died of a heart attack addicted to painkillers a virtual recluse. Where is the immense shock and mourning coming from? The coverage is as if Obama just got assassinated. A man who hasn't performed a live show in something like 15+ years and hasn't released any new music in nearly a decade has died. Surely the mourning period should be pretty much over. And don't get me started on the deluded people who actually spent money on concert tickets for concerts they believed were a) worth going to see and b) would happen.

So I'm going to finish this blog by mourning the death of the greatest showman, the greatest musical god to grace the pop charts, the most fantastic voice that ever lived. RIP Freddie Mercury. We still miss you. I still love you.

Win-bledon.

It's Wimbledon time again! I love Wimbledon so much, it's a summer highlight every year. As English as strawberries and cream, the St George cross and cups of tea by a red post box as Alan Bennett recites a Shakespearian sonnet from the inside of an MG Midget.

I fell in love with Wimbledon when I was 11 during the 1996 Wimbledon championships. The reason was one player...Tim Henman. It wasn't a crush, I was too young for that. I just got right into the public hysteria that was early Henmania. The press had caught on to this new young player who had climbed 200 places up the world rankings in 2 years. Suddenly Britain had their first big hope for a Wimbledon champ in nearly 20 years. I'm nothing if not loyal so my belief and admiration for Tiger Tim didn't wane in over a decade. I was always the person who stood up to armchair pundits who spouted cliches such as, "he just doesn't want it enough". The golden age was 1996-2004 when Tim reached 4 quarter finals and 4 semi finals, almost always going out to the eventual winner. Doesn't sound like an average player, an underachiever or a bottler does it? But the British love to put our own down and unless our sportsmen are winning everything they are easy to label as "shit".

Well I'm pledging my allegiance to the Henman! My point is that, for me, Tim was Wimbledon. He made me take notice of the tournament, he was a great player who carried British tennis on his shoulders for a decade, he showed amazing grace under pressure and he brought the country together once a year in a way that could only be matched by England in the World Cup. And there will always be an England FC, but there will only ever be one Tim Henman.

I wish so much still that he'd been able to get that last ounce of luck that was all he required to finally win Wimbledon. I miss the way we had a British player who seemed to claw his way to near-victory with spirit and determination alone. I'd love to see Andy Murray win Wimbledon, it would be fantastic and he surely will win in the next 5 years. But something just isn't the same....Tim seemed to have to work harder to achieve the levels of greatness that Murray can and had a vulnerability Murray lacks. Yes, Andy is a better player. But if he wins Wimbledon next week I just won't be lifted in the same way I would have been in Tim had gone that one stage further and won. So this sycophantic blog salutes you Tim Henman. For me British tennis will always make me think, "Come on, Tim!".

Sunburn....first for ages!

It's 2 years since I was last sunburnt and today marks a special occasion for my skin. My back is hot, red and will peel away like a snakeskin in a few days time. I won't post any pictures. I won't be wearing anything that shows any of my back for a good week or so.

You may think the above is dull and unnecessary but that sums me up perfectly.